Chinese Takeaway – The Legend Begins

Hey folks, a new phase of the Spork network is upon us. Spork London has finally put up its first post. I will put a chunk of their content on this site, but it is worth following them, as they will have lots of London specific stuff for your entertainment.
Enjoy a box fresh bite of the new site, “G.N.”

The first installment of Spork London is finally here. This will be a place for London based food foraging. Reporting from the frontlines of the Big Smoke. Finding little gems, amongst the minefield of the mediocre. We will try and keep the narrative more passionate and personal–entertaining, kind of like your along for the ride, a voyeur, yes like a creepy voyeur. Just don’t call us in the middle of the night and breath weird down the phone.

I’m sure you noticed the insane illustration by now; the end result of a supremely disapointing meal at Manchurian Legends. With reviewers going giddy for this restaurant, we eventually made our way over to check out the fuss. What follows is not exactly a review, but more akin emotion spillage:

Battle food, a forced engagement.

This meal was an ordeal.

You try hard to get into something,
you work at it, but it exhausts you.

Cold pork jelly cubes sit uneaten.
The slivers of garlic suspended within,
eminiscent of a giant’s toenail clippings.

Maybe I’ll call this the despair issue.

What began as a highly anticipated meal,
ended with a musty pig’s arse causing a
tired reluctance to finish anything else off.

You edge for the crazy shit, you aim to eat all the bits
that lurk in the deep bloody cavities of a dead animal.

Hearts rubbed with rough spice particles,
have the haggard appearance of your favourite unshaven,
leather faced grandpa. A light sprinkle of the ancient.

Was this a transition too many?
From dry to wet, to cold and slippery.

You put up a fight, but you couldn’t win.
Punching at shadows, not connecting.

Your mouth, eyes and nose cannot handle it.
They all had conflicting interests in what you are eating,
disagreeing on what is good and what is bad.

Sometimes the profiles line up; a thousand year old egg,
such a pleasant surprise.

Non-threatening bean curd makes a pact with the devil– rolls up into the form of a snake, tough n’ salty. Fresh herbs within,
a tear and a chew away from being too much hard work.

Enough! (note: only order a little bit of crazy)

So, there it is. A meal that kicked our asses. We were beaten, wounded and licking our wounds. To recover, we went for a burger and regained our strength. Discussing what went wrong, we vowed to not let this happen again. Culture ourselves in Chinese cuisine and return stronger, wiser and ready to master the food at Manchurian Legends. Then again it might not be us, the food could just be nasty. Join us on our quest to go around town eating regional Chinese food, finding choice places and readying ourselves for the final showdown.




Categories: Chinese Takeaway, London


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