Happy Halloween

whilst reading, listen to: ‘I Walk the line’ by Alien Sex Fiend


“The witching hour is upon us. Tales of terror are ripe for the telling. If you like tricks or treats, then the story of ‘murdering Maggie McGee’ will no doubt make you leap.”
The Creepy Cook

“How Good does that sound?” Maggie questioned into the camera. The lights of the studio beamed down on her, innocently searching for something that was not yet exposed. She was a T.V. food queen, her harvest muffins bejewelled with dazzling cranberries , her lobster rolls made with a catch so fresh they hadn’t even lost their Maine accent. You could tell that she really loved to cook. Always sourcing the best ingredients, travelling the world looking for recipes to excite the viewers. Passing on her culinary prowess to the food fiends of the cooking networks.  Passionately pushing orange chunk cakes through the T.V. and on to our laps. We salivate at the screen, licking our lips at food eaten by our minds not tasted by our tongues.

But look again. Observe the way she makes those truffles with some kind of devilish appetite, an appetite that perhaps no truffle alone could  vanquish . Go past the mask made from caked layers of make-up . Peer into her eyes of pure simmering darkness and see the hunger.

Taste buds tingling she gets to work on a lamb, mint and pomegranate salad. Watch how she handles that blade, as if she has a talent for torture. Does that lamb look funny to you? No matter, it all looks the same once it has been sliced up. Squeezing the pomegranate over the salad her taste buds tingle, as the seeds from the exotic fruit drop out like beads of blood. Licking her lips you catch a glimpse of her teeth, sharp and predatory in nature.
Fear of being feasted upon arises within yourself. A natural instinct of survival disconnects you from the tele-visual force feeding long enough for you to switch off the telly before Maggie has time to scatter the chopped mint over the salad. The room now dark, you let out a sigh of relief.

You feel like your brain has been deep fried, flashbacks of past shows start playing out in your mind. Maggie blitzing something in a screaming juicer, the sound of an innocent soul trapped in a kitchen contraption. An avocado hacked in half. The stone inside stabbed, with a flick of the wrist it pops out. A camera zooms in on the rolling stone revealing it to be a gleaming skull. In a over the shoulder shot of her tenderising a poor chicken breast, her rolled up sleeves reveal arms that seem to be made from Mechanically-Reclaimed-Meat. Reformed flesh all blotchy and dead looking, At any moment her suspended flesh could loose its composure and ooze all over the faux marble counter top .

By now you are deeply disturbed. Thank god you turned off the TV when you did.
Horror show over, all she can be now is a little kitchen nightmare. Staring back at the screen of the switched off television there she still is. Caught in the T.V.’s afterglow. A frozen frame of her staring you down, eyes filled with hunger, lips curled back, teeth bared and ready to chow down on your lovely couch potato corpse.

“She was a T.V. food queen, to others she is known as Murdering Maggie McGee.”


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One Comment on “Happy Halloween”

  1. Nat
    October 30, 2011 at 6:46 pm #

    Sounds like someone I know :/ great piece of writing

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