America Vs. Americana

Recently I had some BBQ that sucked big time. There was much promised by the opening of this joint. Authentic this, slow cooked that. All the boxes ticked, fake/original photos on the walls, some skulls, a few metal signs.  Unfortunately you have walked in for a mockumentary of a meal.  Subscribe to this American mythos and you have found yourself in a puddle mediocrity.

This is America vs. Americana. On one side you have the pioneering spirit, that innovative, creative agenda that comes from moving on, looking forward, taking your roots and weaving it with what lies ahead. The other is a pulpy re-hash of a well worn novel. Re-written as a sensational spinner rack supermarket special. Throw it in with all the other junk you got in that shopping cart.

Welcome to the other side…..

Now get ready for the whole Ham and Eggs…..

“Oh yeah! Are those my pancakes I see? Hmmm, where is my jar of maple syrup. Don’t protect the stuff I know its expensive. Whats this? Agave Nectar. Syrup people, I need syrup to get the fantasy right. Drench them in the good stuff and don’t go eyeballing me when I ask for the ketchup.

Serve me! You want to sell the masses on an American Ideal? Then give me service, go the whole hog, I need bottomless coffee too. So honey don’t hold back on that cup of Joe. My Monte Cristo is not supposed to be grilled, it’s fried for a saucy saturated good time.

Charge me extra for what, the chipotle mayo? You didn’t give me enough in the first place. This is the land of the plenty, don’t you get the point yet. I am willing to pay more for imported Yankee beer but don’t get cool with me, no tip no worries.

You think this is America? Welcome to the Great British Diner.”

Love “G.N.”


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3 Comments on “America Vs. Americana”

  1. July 11, 2011 at 7:16 pm #

    sorry that you had such a shitty meal, but this post is hilarious!
    “Welcome to the Great British Diner” ….ouch….

  2. July 11, 2011 at 9:57 pm #

    tell me about it. On this side of the pond I’ve suffered through many really bad fish and chips. I keep trying when the urge gets overwhelming, but the good stuff is few and far between. American food is hard to translate into British and English staples are not easily found stateside. Keep up the good search!

    • July 13, 2011 at 8:10 pm #

      You would think that something as simple as fish in batter could be done right anywhere. Here is a little article on the history of fish n’ chips that you might find interesting

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